Drunk History’s Best Trips to Space (feat. Justin Long, Blake Anderson & Adam Devine)

Let’s talk about outer space. Hello, I’m Jenny Slate, and today
we’re going to talk about Arno Penzias
and Robert Wilson and their beautiful
cosmic discovery. This is my dog’s… uh, penis, and then I’ve also
had his balls removed. – Aw, shame, shame.
– Reggie. “Give me back my balls.”
You can’t have ’em. I took them away! But I have a full vagina.
[laughs] [clicks tongue] In 1960, Bell Labs made this, like,
giant listening device for NASA. But then, by the time
they were ready to use it, a better thing had been built. So then it was just, like,
by itself, all by itself in New Jersey. A lonely horn.
[sighs] But two scientists, Arno Penzias and Robert Wilson, they were like, oh, whoa, whoa! Hold on, hold on! If no one’s using that,
could we use it? They were like,
come on down to the horn. So they get to the horn. They’re like, we are beautiful
scientists with lovely minds, and we want to listen
to the sounds between the stars. Boink.
They’re like, let’s go, babe! Let’s listen up!
[laughs] Oh, God, I love thinking of them
calling each other “babe.” So they listen,
and the sound is a hundred times louder than any sound
they expected to hear. It’s like
[imitates static]. The universe is like…
[imitates static] Find out about me!
[imitates static] So they were like, what is this darn sound? [laughs] It’s coming from everywhere
in the sky at once. Everywhere, everywhere,
everywhere. [imitates static] And then they were like, no. There’s no way a sound could
come from everywhere at once, so we have to eliminate
all the other sounds that might be,
like, interfering. So first they thought maybe– Someone doesn’t care
about science. They were like, it must be
coming from, you know, New York. Urban interference, you know. New York is a city
with buildings and lights and people and subway
and blah, blah, blah. So they were like,
point it there. [hums] Pointed the horn
at New York City. No, that’s not
what we were hearing. Forget about you, New York. Maybe it’s coming
from a military base nearby. And then they just, like,
point it at the military bases, but they didn’t hear that noise
coming from there. No, it isn’t it.
[laughs] So then they were like,
okay, next. Maybe it’s from the sun. They point it at the sun,
and the sun was like, I’m just the sun.
I don’t give a [bleep]. They were like,
it’s not the sun. What the funk is this, man? And then they were like,
we should check our device. What if there’s something
inside of this thing, like, you know,
mold or a skeleton… of a hobo that crawled in there
to get shelter? [laughing]
Or whatever. They look inside the horn.
Guess what. This [bleep] thing
is filled with pigeons. Houston, we do have a problem,
and it’s pigeons. [both laugh] Arno is like,
you do it, Robert. You [bleep] kill them. Robert’s like,
I don’t want to do it. You do it. [laughs] Guess what they did. They shot them with a gun. A shotgun. Then they were like,
well, that’ll do it. [chuckles] After they’ve wiped
the bird blood off of their hands, they’re both like,
R.I.P. these pigeons. Let’s do this. Boink.
They start to listen. They’re like, oh, [bleep]. [imitates static] They hear it again. What the hunk is this
right now? [both laugh] They don’t have the answer. They don’t know what to do. They listen through the horn
for years. They’re going
through their papers, their papers, their papers. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh,
I can’t get it. Ugh, ugh,
there’s nothing here. Ugh.
This one’s boring. Ugh, this is
in another language. Just being like, we’re never
gonna figure this out. Finally, they find a study
done by a scientist whose name is Dicke. [chuckles] He had this crackpot theory
that the universe, instead of being infinite,
actually started at some point. Dicke’s like,
13.8 billion years ago, aka old as [bleep]. [laughs] Check your watch. I think the universe started with, like, a crazy explosion,
aka the Big Bang. But they had no way to prove it. Then these two guys
from New Jersey who have been listening to this
[bleep] pigeon [bleep] horn… [laughs] Call him up, they’re like,
we hear this thing. It’s like
[imitates static]. Have you ever heard of that
before? He’s like, oh, my God. That’s it. This is
what we’ve been studying. Cosmic microwave. [sighs]
What is that word? What is the word? We know it.
What is it? Cosmic microwave
background radiation. [triumphant music]
– Okay? It’s the sound of microwaves from the Big Bang. [imitates static] And they were like,
yeah, that’s it! This is it!
We got it! We got it! This is basically the sound
of the Big Bang. They wanted to try
to find anything, but what they found
was the sound of everything. Boing!
[babbles] I had to unfollow NASA
on Instagram ’cause it made me too crazay! It would just be like, this is a picture
of a [bleep] black hole! And I was like, aah! [laughs] Okay, let me tell you this. Penzias and Wilson
get the Nobel Prize for physics. Everyone [bleep] flips out,
and they were like, yes, the Big Bang is real. It happened.
It’s real. You guys did it. Penzias and, um…
and, uh… Oh, [bleep].
The other guy. I just keep thinking
of Winslow… [laughing] But I know
that’s fromFamily Matters.(Derek)
Carl. [laughing] Carl Winslow
discovered the Big Bang. Derek, what this is right here, this is the sound of the echo of the universe
being created. [imitates static] Suck on that
for a second. See how you like it. Just for a second. The universe is like,
just suck on it for a second. [both laugh] (Jenny)
I’m the [bleep] universe. Suck on it for a second.The year is 1963.Gordon Cooper, he’s this
military test pilot
from Oklahoma.NASA had just begun.And so, he was
one of seven astronauts
chosen for Project Mercury.Also, really chill.He was like,
Please, call me Gordo.
Don’t call me Gordon.I’m not that official.Right? And so, all these
space missions go off without a hitch,
and NASA’s like, We’ve done really well.
Congrats, NASA.And they’re patting themselves
on the back.
And Gordo’s like,
Guys, I totally get it.
Like, that’s really cool,
like, pats on the back.
But if you want
to send a man to the moon,
you should maybe
see if someone could
be in space for,
I don’t know, 24 hours.
And NASA’s like,
Ugh, yeah I guess, Gus.
Yeah, sure, Gus.– Gordo.
– Oh, [bleep], sorry.
I’m an idiot.
– That’s okay.
– All right, all right.
– You’re fine.
– So, Gordo goes on
the launch pad.
NASA’d be like,
Hey, just like, really quick…
Like, don’t touch anything.NASA would completely control
It was so bad that
the astronauts felt like, um, spam in a can.
– [chuckles] – Is what they referred
to themselves as.So, anyway, he launches
into space and it’s like,
Three, two, one, blast off.[mimics rocket firing]Are you shooting that…
Okay, good.He gets up into space
and everything’s cool.
He’s like,
I’m orbiting the [bleep] Earth.
Oh, I’m sorry, I wa–
– You can swear.
– No, my mom–
I try not–
I’m not–
I’m gonna try not to swear.
So, he’s in space.He sends back the first TV
images of a human,
back to Earth.He has a little
powdered roast beef dinner.
He’s just having a ball.So, he takes a nap.The first guy to ever sleep
in space.
He wakes up and he’s like,
It’s good to be Gordo.
And then, he’s like,
Oh, [bleep], no, it’s not.
Because…beep, beep.Oh…[bleep].I have
no stabilization unit.
Everyone in Mission Control
is freaking out.
They’re like,
Oh, God.
This doesn’t look good.And Gus Grissom is like,
Bro, I love you.
I’m gonna tell your wife
you’re a hero.
Gordo’s like,
No, stop it.
I’m gonna take control
over the spaceship.
Gus is like, You’re
about to do something none of–
no one has ever done before.And Gordo’s like,
Yeah, no, I know.So, just shut
the [bleep] up, Gus.
I’ve got control.He starts to take over
manual control.
But, at that moment, he loses
radio signal with Gus Grissom.
And so, he gets a radio signalover to his friend John Glenn,who’s on the recovery boat
over in Japan.
Then he’s like,
John Glenn, hey.
It’s me, Gordo.Um, I have absolutely no power
in my spacecraft.
And I just wanna get back homebecause I’m a really chill guy.
It’s me, Gordo.
And he’s like, Okay,
here’s what we’re gonna do.
And so, together they go
through this checklist.
Uh, put this thing up.Like, press this button.There’s all these things
he needs to do.
But then Gordo’s like,
Oh, [bleep].
Beep. And his carbon dioxide
meter’s going off. And it’s like,
Beep, beep, you’re [bleep].And he’s like,
Oh, my God, you’re right.
I’m totally [bleep] [bleep].But I–no, but he’s chiller
than that.
No, hold on.
He’s way calmer than that.John Glenn, look,
my carbon dioxide meter’s
going off and, uh…It’s like 100 degrees
in my cabin.
Which means
he’s [bleep] dying. But he’s not being
a Debbie Downer about it.And he’s like,
I need to get to Earth.
But, like, manual reentry
had never been done before.
So, if he enters the
Earth’s atmosphere too steep, he’s gonna blow up.So, he says, Okay.There’s the Big Dipper.
There’s the Little Dipper.
Gemini…He draws an axis
on the window and uses the constellations
as his constant.And he says,
This is going to be my angle
at which I can enter
Earth’s atmosphere.
Which I think is…
pretty incredible.
So, John Glenn is like,
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six–Gordo’s like, Let’s just,
like, do it, I’m ready.
So, he fires, uh… [grunts]Uh, what does this mean?[laughs] – [chuckling]
– What’s it called when there’s fire coming out of stuff? What–when it’s like a fire… [groans] [laughs]He fires the rockets.[mimics rocket blast]He had a $5 wristwatch,
and that’s what he used
to figure out how long
to fire his rockets.
[mimics rocket blast]Gordo is like, I’m entering
Earth’s atmosphere!
[bleep] bravo to me!– Wait.
[both laugh]– And he splashes down.And he has the most accurate
splash-down, ever,
in…NASA history.He’s like, so chill.He’s like,
Hey, guys, I made it.
I’m not surprised.
It’s me, Gordo.
Big whoop.Gordo changed the game.– Great. – He had a $5 wristwatch. – To every ‘naut. – Cosmonauts
and astronauts. All the ‘nauts. – ‘Naut. – Hello, I’m Kyle Kinane. and we’re going to talk
about the first space walk.1965!
Space race underway!
America against Russia.So Russia, they’ve been
sending animals out.
Poo!But then, the U.S.,they sent a monkey up there.Pew!And then, Russia is just like,Who’s the most maniac
Russian we have? Pavel Belyayev and
Alexey Leonov.So Russia says,
Pavel, Alexey, do you want to do
some ape-[bleep] stuff? [burps] We’d like you to be
the first human beings to do a spacewalk. EVA:
Electorally– Extra-Vehicular Activity. Imagine what it’s like to be
floating around in the ’80s, except this is the ’60s.And they go,What do you got
going on with your life? Nothing. Same here. Uh, yes, yes, I’ll do it. The mission’s
called the Voskhod 2,and so Russia’s watching on TV.Finally, Russia’s got
something awesome. Good luck with
your rock ‘n’ roll and your Beach Boys! We got this. So the launch–
it pops off, man.The launch pops off.
It’s good.
And so, they’re like,
We did it! We’re in orbit.Leonov pressurizes his suit,and then leaves the airlock.I’m floating in space!
I’m floating in space! It’s the best thing
I ever did in my life.He’s the first human being
to do something.
Everybody’s watching TV,
this guy’s out there,
the whole country’s,
Oh! We did it! We’re the best.The First Secretary, Brezhnev,
is like,
Leonov, good job. [blows out air] Don’t worry, don’t worry.So Leonov’s like,
Okay, I did it. Can I get back into
this craft? Oh, I can’t even fit
inside of it, because the suit
blew up too big. He’s got–filled!
It’s filled! The suit’s–
[blows raspberry]Filled up.
He’s stuck.
He’s like,Oh, I [bleep] up
this whole thing.So they cut the feed.They immediately cut to
Mozart’s “Requiem,”
which is some depressing
funeral jam. – [laughs] – I’m–I’m assuming right now
you’ll play it, right now.[Mozart’s “Requiem” plays]And it’s just some sad [bleep].♪ ♪But then,
Leonov secretly real–
he can real–
he can–he found a nozzle,
so he had to–
[imitates air sputtering out]to depressurize.And his temperature–
his temperature spikes.
He’s almost got the bends.He nearly kills himself,just to get back inside
to the spacecraft.
He’s in!
That should be the most of it.He’s in,
and then,
they can’t get
the hatch closed.
Like noth–
like, sitcom style,nothing’s going to go right
for these guys.
Aw, [bleep]. Why am I looking at this one– Should I be looking
at anywhere else other than this
one point on the couch? – [chuckles]– So–so anyway,
they fix the hatch.
Great, fine, great.But that throws the balance off
on the whole goddamn machine,
so they’re stuck
twirling around.
So Leonov says to Pavel,Like, we gotta land this
right [bleep] now.They’re trying
to figure it out.
They’re trying to calculate
the trajectory to get back,
just land on Russian soil. If we land,
and we land in China, that’ll be [bleep] up, because of…something
that Wikipedia tells us.They twirl towards the Earth,and then wait, whoa, whoa…Kaboof.
We landed. Oh, man, we should
get out of this capsule. Ah, oh, we got–
Oh, we got– We can’t get out–we can’t
get out of this capsule!” We should blow the doors! How? With these tiny explosives
we’re provided with.[imitates small explosion]Oh, good, we’re out. Oh, where are we? Oh, we’re in the tundra. – Oh, don’t do that,
don’t do that. – I know.
I know how TV works.All right, they land 2,000
kilometers off their mark,
in Siberia,which is a real place…In the middle of mating season
for wolves and bears.
It’s below-zero temperatures,
wolves, bears,
all with just boners.– Jesus.
– Lookin’ to [bleep]. – [laughs] –And all they can say
to each other is,
Well, I guess… we should start… with some sweet kisses.[both laugh]How much more– – Well, what happened
to them after– – Der–Derek, don’t say nothing. – Yeah, I just want
to get what– – It’s–they’re in Siberia.They’re blasting flares out.
Ptoo! Ptoo!
They don’t even have food,or Sprites.And then, after 30 hours,they fi– [bottle thuds]
Finally they got rescued.[triumphant music]♪ ♪You wouldn’t even
believe it. – [chuckles]
– Oh! They’re just some lunatics that
said “yes” to an experiment. Cosmonauts, astronauts,
any kind of ‘naut. Did, yes.
The ‘nauts yessed. The ‘nauts said, “Why not?” – [laughs]
– Where da–where da– Where da button?
Where da button?– In 1969,
America lands on the Moon.
And everyone in America’s
like, oh, my God,
we landed on the Moon.
It’s amazing.
And Nichelle was like,
uh, hold up,
that’s all white dudes.What the [bleep], right?So she gives this big speech,and she’s like,
NASA, get your shit together.
Can you please recruit
someone to be an astronaut
who’s not a white dude?And NASA’s like, okay, cool,
but, like, can you do it?
‘Cause we don’t know anybody
who’s not a white dude.
So Nichelle Nichols was like,ugh, black ladies
have to do everything.
So she travels
around the country,and she recruits
people to be in NASA,
and she’s like,
hey, black people,
Asians, lady people,
do you wanna go to space?
And they’re like, okay, cool.And she recruited Sally Ride.And then, she recruits
Colonel Bluford.
He was the first black dude
to be in NASA.
– How cool is that?– And then,
she recruited Mae Jemison.
And she was like, hey,
you should apply for NASA.
And Mae Jemison
is like, oh, my God,
you were on “Star Trek.”
I love you.
But she’s like, pay attention.So Nichelle Nichols was, like,the first black lady
to go to space for fake,
and she recruited
the first black lady
to go to space for real.She literally
integrated space.
Everybody who’s
really good at math, or whatever
you have to be good at to be–go to NASA, can do whatever they wanna do. – But we still need to prosper if we’re gonna live long.
– Yeah. [laughs] – Is this America right now? That’s trying so hard, but–
– [laughs] Yes. But it can’t get over… – But its ring finger
just can’t deal with it.

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